ShopAtHomeGnome

There’s a Dell computer for just under $1000 as the Today’s Special Value on QVC. Unless you prefer to spend quality time talking to India for customer service, dude, you’re better off not gettin’ a Dell. (Weren’t they the brand with the exploding batteries?).

Then there’s Adrienne Arpel’s Signature A snake oil extravaganza on HSN.  It’s called the Rasdiant Skin Super something or other for $39 in two Flex Pays…  But I don’t care a whit about the details of the Today’s Special, that woman opens her mouth and I hit the remote. I’d rather be strapped to a chair and forced to listen to Jean Stapleton as Edith Bunker, I dislike Adrienne’s voice almost as much as I dislike Fran Dresher’s. (Yes, THAT much.) Plus,the woman has had so much work done that she resembles the characters in the  twisted sci-fi movie, “Brazil”! Do her products work? Don’t know, don’t care, don’t want to know. Dr. Denese on QVC looks like a real human with young-looking skin, Adrienne Arpel looks like an escapee from Madame Tussaud’s wax museum. (Perhaps if you use her products you too can transform into an alien being…)

ShopNBC has Margie’s Warehouse. Margie’s got a new stained glass lamp as the Our Top Value. She calls it (get THIS!), the  “Tres-Tres Belle”!!!  Ummm… I’m sorry, Margie, I like you, truly I do, and I own three of your lamps, but did you actually LOOK at this lamp before you ordered a zillion of them?  It’s… AWFUL!!! I love stained glass,  but this piece is just tres-tres “terri-belle”! It’s $75 with 6 Value-Pays,  so it’s affordable which would be brilliant… if the lamp didn’t suck! It’s got big-ass roses on it AND dragonflies (the lamp doesn’t know which it wants to be), it’s floral AND it’s got bugs, AND there’s sort of a modern-ish stripey thing goin’ on over the roses and dragonflies. Who designed this?  Okay, well, it’s narrow, which is good if you need a narrow lamp, it’s better in the yellow, I’ll say that much. But the blue one? Decorating DISASTER! I’m tellin’ ya… this one’s just… AWFUL!!!

Nite, nite, I’m going to bed!